For a long time, I treated emotional needs as a kind of personal weakness. I admired self-sufficiency. Independence. Competence. I wanted to be the person who needed very little from anyone.

Many of us do. Sometimes this develops because our needs were inconsistently met growing up. Attachment theory suggests that when caregivers are unavailable, unpredictable, or overwhelmed, children often adapt by minimising their needs in order to preserve connection. We learn that needing is risky. So we become fiercely independent adults who pride ourselves on "having no expectations."